Its A Wonder-Filled Life

Good Saturday, August 18, 2018 to you. I’m back in the chamber. It filled quickly and it was smooth sailing to get to 1.3 psi. My left ear is aching a bit. I decided to put a tank top on because of the warmth of the chamber. It works. We can not get extra oxygen into the chamber yet for some reason. We will have to work on that issue Monday. We watched the few videos about it online last night and we seem to be doing everything that they recommend. Technology!

I chose today’s theme “Its A Wonder-Filled Life” so I could talk about my most recent brain injury in more depth. I was working the Customer Service Desk/Closing Manager position at one of our local grocery stores when the injury occurred. I loved my job. I enjoyed serving my customers, especially the most grumpy ones. My co-workers were great. I even found some measure of good in every frustrating event of each day. THEN I FELL. It hapened so quickly and just as quickly I was in pain and had visible wounds.

Now that I look back on that day I realize that in a moment, in less than a minute, in the course of a person’s life everything can dramatically change. Wondering if only this or that would have happened or thinking what if I had done this or that and saying repeatedly “Why now?” does not alter the significant event or manage its outcome.

The fall happened and today just 29 months and five days later I am sitting in the early morning hours inside of a mHBOT chamber desperately hoping for a much better outcome. Though it took a very long time (as measured in days spent with no progress toward wellness) I have chosen to close out each day and look forward to the next day and what it has in store for me to live through and smile through and cry through. It’s life and I choose to live it well!

My diagnosis of traumatic brain injury (TBI) is based on medical observation, evaluation, treatment and diagnostic tests. The MRI at seven months out showed softening of brain matter and scar tissue in my frontal and temporal lobes. The QEEG showed slower than the acceptable low hz brain waves and elevated hz brain wave activity in my sleep waves (validating my cognitive and motor skills and visual deficits and everything else in my world that changed so drastically that day). The SPECT Scan indicates that every area of my brain  desperately needs to be revitalized. Each radiologist reported the diagnostic findings without knowing my history.

I am 30 minutes in already and I am doing well. The left ear is not troubling me. The pressure has equalized. I am sipping iced black coffee too. The fan that I have blowing at my chin is refreshing. The psi is steady at 1.3. Even though it is not quiet in here, I think that I could close my eyes and go to sleep. I have noticed that about 20 minutes following the end of my dives I sneeze and need to blow my nose. Last night I felt overly spent but it ended up being a day where I didn’t get the down time that I seem to need each day.

Now, why would I consider my life “wonder-filled?” Because it is! That’s why. I can choose to wallow in the pain and confusion and dizziness and isolation and fear or I can rise even inches above it and see the wonder and experience the awesomeness of the slightest of events I experience in one day. Take this morning…I woke to D awake too early and already starting his day because he was not able to sleep well throughout the night. I could have grumbled or snapped at him. I chose to welcome the day and the hug he gave me. My alarm on my cell phone woke me fully at 6am. I began getting ready to do this dive before D would become anxious because he has to be at work this morning and guess what I smiled at? It was lightly raining outside. I opened the windows wider and took in that wonderful smell of fresh rain. AND today I will enjoy the new washer and dryer that was delivered yesterday! I am going to wash and dry our bedding! It is going to bring me such pleasure tonight when I roll into bed. Finally we will have nice clean clothes and bedding! Yahooey!!!

I have learned many good things in life. Being grateful and happy is such a joy. I begin my days thanking God for the honor it is to be alive and looking forward to another new day. Even in those times of hurt and pain and doubt and fear I choose to see His hand guiding me even when it is blurry.

WOW! This dive was fine. The chamber is deflating and I am yawning. I thank God for the finances that provide me with the help I so need. I thank each of you for joining me today.

I struggle. I cry. I pout. I stomp my feet. I even get anxious and overwhelmed. Life is hard and rough and pain-filled. There are those days when I want to throw in the towel. There are days when I review all of the terribles I have lived through. There are those moments when I hate myself and this life I was given to live out. There are too many nightmares and limitations I experience but I must thrive. Somehow I must find my footing and stand or get out of bed. There are days when the mental cloudiness is so thick that I can’t imagine any way out. But I persevere. I must. I have to. I will live.

Live Well my friends. Live Well.