Thursday evening, August 30, 2018 @ 19:37:20 and I am sitting here watching the gauge rise. It is nearly time to put my oxygen in my nose. I am geared for another 90 minute dive. I didn’t take an antihistamine this evening. Left ear still struggling but this too shall pass. Today I am resting my head against my cool towel because my neck has been really sore today. I brought in some frankincense to also help me through.
I post a picture of me in the chamber on FB each day before I begin my blog. As you can tell, I do not look like the “dork” of yesterday! Our daughter pointed that out yesterday and I agree. With the towel around my head a looked like I was getting ready for a very hot day gardening!
“Its Been One Of Thos Days!” I woke to D leaving for work this morning. I realized immediately that it was not going to be a very productive day. Truly, it has been a terrible day with headaches and mental exhaustion. I walked over to our son’s house to drop off some food and stumbled with my thoughts. I was glad that our granddaughter brought me home. I found some material for her to play with on her new sewing machine. She sill be sewing her first project tomorrow or Monday. She has chosen to make a pillowcase for her bed as her first sewing project. That’s a really good idea.
On days like today I get down on myself. The old tapes run…you know the ones that are reminders of previous failures, disappointments, accidents, etc. I know when I am able to remove myself from those thoughts that much of the time they are triggered by physical pain. But when I am in the raw moment I can not easily think correctly.
Yesterday I copied a list of negative mind-sets we have on occasion. The person who posted it said that her therapist gave her the list so she could identify what is happening. I am going to share a few that have been partnering with me today.
PERSONALIZATION: Attributing personal responsibility for events which aren’t under a person’s control. “this is my fault” — This has been the primary mind-set I have had all day long. And it has been partnering with OVERGENERALIZATION: Making sweeping conclusions based on a single event. —-Yep! This is where I have been all day long. The single event was not waking to be with D before he went to work. Because of that, if he has a hypoglycemic moment it is because I was not up to provide him with a healthy breakfast and then he will get terrible headaches and will be unable to continue working all because I was lazy this morning. Then I moved right into MAGNIFICATION: “Making a mountain our of a mole hill” – blowing things out of proportion. — So I lived there all day long worrying about my husband’s health and on and on it went. Not one bit of it was a reality but I lived there all day long.
I know that I am stressed and overstimulated and exhausted just like most of my TBI friends but darn it, why can’t I see the light of day and relish in the realization that all is good with my soul, if even for a while? Why do I have to live in this cyclic place of confusion and fear and loss and dread? I am not hopeless or suicidal, it’s just a sadness that comes like a wave especially when my head is hurting so much. I have plenty of love and life in me. I wast to thrive and be all that God intends for me to be. I want to be a complete wife, mother, daughter, sister, grandmother, friend but each of you have to take what measure I can give you at any given moment. That’s what is hard. I used to enjoy multitasking and now I can’t even stay on track watching a movie or reading a few pages in a book.
It’s time to change the channel. Suz, look at the best in you……….
O the joy of gardening, of crocheting, of praying, of drinking tea with a friend! O the joy of watching our grandchildren play and dance and sing. O the joy of holding D’s hand and us dreaming together. O the joy of laughing again. O the joy of fishing. O the joy of seeing our daughter and her family again. O the joy of life! That’s where I need to be when I lay my head down tonight. Sleep well Suz. I love you.
Suzanne's LiveWell Blog 
Suzanne you might try putting a little dab of peppermint on your ear lobes. A hbot tech told us that trick once and it seemed to help. Peppermint can also help with headaches.
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