I Want To Live Again!

Good Sunday, November 4, 2018 @ 17:34:17 MT to you! I am well established in my chamber this evening. I will be diving for one hour. The pressure is maintaining at 1.3 ATA. I have my personal fan working well with new batteries. My oxygen mask is on and I am enjoying the early evening darkness settling over our white wonderland! It snowed all day. A very nice gentle snow too. Hopefully we will get the snowfall we desperately need this season.

I Want To Live Again! The past few days have been unpleasant. Headaches, sleeplessness and neck pain have been interrupting the peacefulness I was experiencing. Last night (the third this week), I was awake until after 4am (3am if you consider the extra hour we got back last night). I was able to rest until 11am this morning but it is not a normal sleep pattern/rhythm so I have been left with headaches and fogginess this week. My neck pain is because my head has not been able to relax like my Dr ordered. I was able to take an hour nap just before I came in here to enjoy my dive. I need the sleep. I need these headaches and the fogginess to dissipate.

I continue to experience living without wearing glasses. I put them on to read when I need to on occasion. I have noticed that I take them off fairly quickly because my new visual world is different. It is hard to explain. When I am tired, my eyesight is not precise. And when I put the glasses on, I want to immediately take them off. It is different and difficult to explain. The world I used to exist in was dramatically altered by the fall at work. It was as if I were on a rocky cliff and the whole world was downhill. I also saw everything in fuzzy doubles. Words would shadow and then grow up and out. People would widen and have larger auras about them. Trees and vehicles would confuse me so I was always in a fight/flight state. In my mind, nothing was safe around me. Now, I am beginning to recognize my world as safe and grounded. Occasional moments of unclear vision occurs but then it is adjusts itself and I see clearly again.

My gastrointestinal issues are still so troubling. I am learning to live without dairy. It is not easy. My cravings are for cream cheese and butter and cheese. I have stopped drinking the one cup of coffee I used to have in the mornings. I am drinking water primarily and I am sipping on ginger tea too. I am trying to incorporate more greens into my diet. I have found that a smoothie of fresh berries and almond milk is great to enjoy too. We are having fajitas for dinner. We have leftover meat that will be julienned along with red, yellow, and orange peppers, white and green onions and topped with a green chili verde salsa. We make fresh paleo naan bread for the tortilla. D will eat the bigger ones and I will enjoy a taco size.

I Want To Live Again! I want so much to be a fully functional woman. I want to enjoy life and live it to the fullest. I have not been at church for three weeks and really miss being there. I would love to be able to travel to California and visit our daughter and her family and also be with my Mom. I would enjoy being with our three grandchildren who only live across the street. I really hope to return to swimming. The peace I used to experience in water is only a faint memory. I most of all would love to enjoy the activities that D and I used to do together. I want to have the energy to sew again and read books like I used to. I want to explore all of the adventures I dream of like riding a bike or walking on local trails or sitting on a swing in a park. It would be fun to go shopping or take the day and visit museums. I have missed so much since my brain injury.

It is about time for my dive to end. Thank you for taking a moment to listen to my heart. Today’s dive was great. I breathed in the oxygen and thought about the wellness that is in my future. God bless you.

Keep D and I in your prayers. D sees the back specialist this coming week. We have some very difficult challenges ahead. Only God can remedy our future. Yeah GOD!

Hugs,

Suz