Author: livewell5777

Good Wednesday evening, October 24, 2018 @ 18:49:27 MT to all of my friends and those who follow my progress of recovery.

Groovin! On A Wednesday Evening! Yes, you are right. I am not a Young Rascal. And it is not 1967. What a fun song it was back in the day! I am Groovin! I’m on an adventure. Thank you for coming along. “I can’t imagine anything that’s better.”

I am in my chamber and have discovered how to make the inside temperature really comfortable. More ice, of course! The gauge is right where it needs to be. I have a light shining in the side window so I can comfortably see what I am typing. I have my oxygen on. One thing I have noticed since returning home from Dr Hughes office in Basalt, CO is that my ears do not notice the change in atmospheres at all now. Nice! I don’t need to yawn at all. I was not here yesterday because nature surprised us with the best thunderstorm we have had in weeks. We enjoyed the ruckus outside as we watched some of our favorite tv shows. Tuesday nights we love to watch NCIS and now the new series following FBI.

Groovin! What a way to describe this new chapter in our lives. I say “our” because D is here right beside me every bump, every hurdle, every dusty road, every valley, every mountain, every stream, every not-so-scary day and every hard day, every teary day and every happy day too. This adventure began 2.75 years ago with a fall at work. I lost so much of me in a moment. My position was in retail/grocery. I was assigned to customer service and I also worked as a closing manager. I loved my job. I loved my customers. I loved my co-workers. I loved every responsibility I had. In that moment I found myself laying on my back on the floor. I realized that I had fallen and called to my supervisor who was having her lunch a few feet away. I had a hard time understanding simple questions. My head really hurt. My elbow was bleeding and my knee was swollen and bruised. I remembered snagging my foot on a snow rug and trying to regain my countenance as I fell but a stack of arm shopping baskets found my forehead in an incredibly hard way leaving quite the hematoma and terrible neck, back and shoulder pain. The sound inside of my head was similar to what I remember from the sounds of Gallagher’s Sledge O Matic pulverizing a watermelon (– check it out on You Tube)  My supervisor carefully walked me to the business office where she called the company triage nurse who finally determined that I needed to seek medical care at the local hospital. That was the end of everything that was customary in my life.

Groovin! Customary, you ask? Yes. Normal living was questionable. I could not count by two’s or backwards. I couldn’t remember two words or talk clearly. I tried to speak everyday words and would call everything “that thing,” “you know…that thing.” I walked crooked. Walls seemed to get in the way on purpose. The whole world was tilted downward. I saw double. I was sound and light-sensitive. The blood from the hematoma slowly moved down into my eyes and cheeks and down my neck to my heart. It took months before all of it was drained. I walked tenderly, favoring my left knee. My knee felt like it was dripping blood inside and the pain felt like sharp shards of glass inside my knee. I could not sleep. I averaged less than 10 hours of sleep a week in the beginning. I was elated a few months ago when my sleep went from an average of 20 hours a week to 40 hours a week! Depression was pretty constant because I had no idea how to get me back. I could feel “me” about two feet from me. I was no longer inside of me. Terrible, constant headaches were so debilitating. Tinnitus was now the norm with crazy noises that would never shut off or tune down in both ears. I had no motivation. I was just alive and barely existing. Life had no more meaning except for a small bit of hope inside. I would not give myself to the dark side. No, I will not!

Groovin! I spent months in physical therapy with no real successes. I went to speech and occupational therapy and they helped provide me with many tools I continue to use today. I spoke with a psychologist for “pain management.” I was able to obtain daily glasses to help me navigate the unfamiliar world. I waited and waited in hopes of waking from the nightmare. One day following dental appointments where it was discovered that I had severe tmj from the fall and two front teeth that were dead that my insurance carrier stopped paying for any further treatments. WHAT? WHY? They had sent me to have an MRI of my brain. The radiologist found two glaring evidences that my seemingly simple “concussion” was a traumatic brain injury. He found gliosis and encephalomalacia to my brain. Both are products of a brain insult. (Look them up online)

Groovin! I couldn’t have survived the many ordeals I faced over the past 2+ years without D, my Mom, our grown children, our grandchildren and our friends. It has been a journey that I would not want anyone to experience. Once I no longer had the ability to get continuing medical assistance for my TBI, I threw myself into learning everything I could about my brain injury and what treatments were available beyond the standard medical model had failed me. I read many books. I listened to podcasts and You Tube. I called alternative medical practitioners all over the US for answers. I continued to rely on the spark of hope that remained in my heart and mind.

Groovin! I finally found exactly what made sense to me. I found it in the kind words of a Doctor here in Colorado! I found Dr. John Hughes. I found a doctor who wanted to see the same changes in my biochemistry, in my brain and CNS, in my spirit-man, in my life as I do. Dr Hughes spoke with me three times and offered me HOPE. He breathed HOPE back into these scarred and brutalized bones. He spoke kindly to me and never belittled me or was impatient with my difficulty in finding words. He sent me a number of recommendations. I followed them and I constantly read them over again. I was determined to one day incorporate his treatment recommendations into my life.

Groovin! I had two diagnostics completed to help Dr Hughes form a good treatment plan. I went to Cerescan in Littleton, CO for a QEEG and a SPECT Scan. I purchased this amazingly pleasant chamber. I then visited Dr Hughes in Basalt, CO for a personalized three-day treatment protocol. I returned from his office last Thursday. I am continuing to get into my chamber and spend 1+ hours in it. I have done the after-care recommendations he has made. I have written to him and he has responded. I have spoken to Dr Rachelle and I must say that I feel so surrounded by a team who wants to help me. That’s HOPE! That’s real HOPE!

Groovin! On A Wednesday Evening. I am trusting that everything that was done and everything that will be done in the future will help me re-establish a healthy relationship with myself and the world around me. I believe in God’s sovereign grace that led me to Dr. John Hughes and Kirk and Dr. Dave and Dr. Rachelle. I am alive and I trust  that “Life would be ecstasy, you and me endlessly…..Groovin!”

Hugs,

Suz

Good Sunday evening, October 21, 2018 @ 20:26:45 MT. I am in my chamber. I am fully inflated. The valve just opened to regulate the ATA as it should. I have my mask on and all is good.

Tonight’s blog is Burp! Excessive burps began following my fall at work 2 years, 7 months and 7 days ago. I have terrible belching noises that come from deep inside of my digestive system. It is very unpleasant. There were days in the first year when I would make that terrible sound a few hundred times a day. They have returned with vengeance since being away last week. I took Dr Hughes advice but my system is still messed up. I would prefer not to eat at all but that too would produce the painful belches. Dr Hughes has me sipping water with organic powdered ginger in it. I’m sure that my body got so messed up and has not recovered. I have read a lot about the gut/brain connection and I have my hand raised….Yes, that’s me!

Burp! It sure is not fun burping with this mask on. D is used to my nasty sounds. Am I glad about that! I have finally found a medical doctor that will not just look at my current symptoms and prescribe what reps from big pharma have convinced him will work. He is looking at me as a uniquely complete (in an incomplete way) person. All of me matters and all of me works together to manage my entire being. Thank you Dr Hughes.

Burp! I did it again! What a predicament! I needed to take a nap today but it just didn’t work out. I was able to recline and put my sleep mask on this afternoon but it was only for a couple of minutes. I am grouchy and just want to go to bed. So following this dive that’s where I will be heading.

I am trying to learn how to take care of myself more tenderly. I am a great bedside nurse. I am a good grandmother. I watch over D and the dogs too but I neglect to honor myself. I see now that this is my time. I will learn from each day. I will find ways to better manage my very sensitive tummy, my delicate head, and my healing foot. Most of all, I hope to learn to better manage my complicated emotional well-being.

Are you taking the best care of yourself? Do you dismiss your needs for the needs of others? Are you willing to look in your bathroom mirror and tell yourself “I Love You!” It is time dear friends for each of us to better love ourselves.

Burp! I am ending now. It is too uncomfortable with the mask on and my abdomen feeling like it is on fire.

Thank you for your kind concern for me. I feel your love.

Suz

Well, a very good Saturday evening, October 20, 2018 @ 22:43:54 MT to you. I have been gone for a while but I had a purposeful time. We will talk a lot about my recent experiences as they were/are meant to help sculpt my future.

I’m Back In The Saddle Again! is today’s blog theme. Gene Autry; who was the Anaheim Angels owner at one time, wrote and sang this song in the early 40’s. As a child, I remember singing it with him. He in his cowboy shirt holding his guitar and singing to the moon leaning against a rock. Memories!

“I`m back in the saddle again
Out where a friend is a friend
Where the longhorn cattle feed
On the lowly gypsum weed
Back in the saddle again”

WOW! What I know about the California gypsum weed, known there as “locoweed” causes very specific symptoms for intoxication. The patient is 1) Red as a beet. 2) Blind as a bat and 3) Mad as a hatter. Every year we had some stupid teen try it for fun during the years that we lived in the Mojave Desert. It’s very dangerous. Toxic. That’s why I find this song strange today. Most free range cattle avoid it and do not “feed” on it.

Back to today’s theme I’m Back In The Saddle Again. D and I had been on a journey. We left home Sunday afternoon and returned on Thursday afternoon. We drove to the Aspen, Colorado area and stayed in a real nice hotel called the Element Basalt. Bright and early Monday morning, D and I navigated ourselves to Aspen Integrated Medicine in Basalt, CO. We were met by the lovely office manager, Tanya and we had a nice chat before Dr John Hughes arrived to begin my scheduled treatments. What a day it was! I had no idea of the extent of treatment I would receive.

I was in Dr Hughes’ wheelhouse and because I am a willingly compliant patient I seemed to take each segment of treatment like a trooper. Dr Hughes’ gentle and kind appointment made it easy for me to follow his instructions and successfully complete each task. Around 1:30 I was sent to another facility for hard chamber hyperbaric. Kirk attends to each of his patients with such tender care. I had three afternoons in a row with him and the second and third dives I slept through. It was the best sleep I had in over 2.5 years!

Back to the first day….following the dive I had another appointment with a Dr. who reminded me of a retired surfer. I did not know what I was going to experience but I trusted that if Dr Hughes sent me there, it would be fine. This Dr’s name is Dave. The receptionist gave D and I a brochure to read about the procedure I was going to have done to my head. Reading it pretty much frightened me. D did not want to go in with me either so I reached down into the very depths of my spirit and tugged at my boot straps just moments before I was escorted to a room that appeared to be his office/treatment room. Again, the receptionist scared me a bit by showing me the tray of the objects he was going to use. Dr Dave was kind but on a mission to get me treated. He heard my brief description of the head injury I had suffered and invited me to lay on the patient table.

Dr Dave treats the skull (cranium) for fractures/misalignment of its 22 facial and 6 skull bones. (Dr Hughes told me two days later that Dr Dave treats the dents and tweaks in the bony structure of a skull like a car body specialist works out the damages on the exterior of a vehicle. That made sense to me!) Dr Dave’s technique is called Nasal Cranial Release. Dr Dave stepped me through each event I experienced. I was put back together! There was a lot of unexpected sounds inside of my head but instantly I felt better in many ways. Even my eyesight was improved.

This is as far as I am going to write tonight. I am elated at the amazing things I experienced while under the care of Dr Hughes, Kirk and Dr Dave. What an experience!

I have been in my chamber for 50 minutes already. The dive is great. I forgot my personal fan so I am sweating a bit. I am ready to end this dive because I am still so tired/exhausted from this past week. I’m only going to be here one hour.

I’m Back In The Saddle Again is so true. I chose to receive the excellent treatments from Dr Hughes to get me back to living life more fully and satisfyingly. Many years ago God told me that His Psalm for me is 18. He called it Suzanne of War. I have held on to that promise and I am delighted to see it blooming today in my heart. It’s a bit long, but so is my beautiful and God-managed life.

Hugs always,

Suz

Enjoy:

Adonai lives! Blessed Be My Rock

Psalm 18

Good Friday evening, October 12, 2018 @ 21:29:31 MT. My chamber is nearly inflated. I have my right foot elevated. It’s reasonably cool in here. I am enjoying the ice-cold pack against my back. My headaches have been an aggravation this week, especially upon waking up. I feel like my brain is banging up against my forehead or temple or the back of my skull no matter what I do to get comfortable. The numbness in my forehead and both eye sockets lasts all day long. I am masked now and I’m intentionally breathing in the oxygen. I am so glad that we chose the larger vertical chamber. I have plenty of room and it feels like I am in a dome tent. The valve is open to let out pressure as it needs to. The ATA is at 1.3. We are up and running!

I am calling today’s blog Destination Unknown because it really is an unknown when you have a brain injury. I read the autopsy news about that high school football player from the East coast who died recently. He suffered a head trauma that resulted in a sudden cardiac arrest. How terrible for him to lose his life so young! And then there is CTE (Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy) that we are hearing more about every year mainly in the professional football profession. These are terrible. Please understand that any insult to the brain caused by an external force does result in impairment and deterioration of the brain.

Destination Unknown is exactly what a person faces following TBI. Every thought, mood, movement and every vital body function is directly connected to the brain. I have a condition called neurocardiogenic syncope. I probably have had it for many years. I was diagnosed with it probably in 2008. I was standing at the stove frying taco shells when I got so dizzy that I told Dennis I was going to faint. He assisted me to the floor and I was not doing well recuperating. My heart rate was terribly low. My blood pressure was not normal. My cognition was poor. And I wasn’t snapping out of it like most people do following a syncope episode. The paramedics were called. I was transported to the hospital and sent home hours later with a scheduled appointment with a cardiologist. My cardiologist told me that he was sure of the diagnosis and had me do a simple tilt-table test there in his office. I was assisted by two nurses for the test. Sure enough I fainted and my heart stopped beating, my blood pressure was gone, and I needed to be resuscitated after i was laying completely flat on the table. My cardiologist put me on one daily extended release tablet that I must take daily. I was told that it has to do with the neurological connection between my heart and my brain. It’s faulty for some reason. (Possibly because I have a history of head traumas) He told me that if I ever feel the sudden symptoms of dizziness, my head feeling heavy for my neck to hold it up, if I begin seeing stars, if my heart rate goes down suddenly, etc. that I am to lay down immediately. No matter where I am, I am to lay down. You see, if my heart stops how is it going to start-up again?

Destination Unknown was the typical medical treatment I received for the most part. It was a work comp injury so the waiting and being jerked around by them as they made decisions based on who knows what did nothing but frustrate me. Once my work comp insurance company told me that they would not pay for another medical treatment, I realized that I had to take my life back. And I did. Not knowing much about where to turn or who to reach out to, my quest was a long one but the journey has been worth it. I read books. I listened to YouTube videos. I interviewed providers across the US. I eliminated certain ones who basically did the same things that the medical community tried to help me with here. I kept a file of a few practitioners who seemed to know much better and were advanced in their mindset about “concussion.”

Truly, my Destination Unknown will cost me/us a lot financially. D is currently off work because something is terribly wrong with his lower back.  We are on Social Security. We are not financially set up to handle the expense of this adventure we are taking. We pray and hope and thank and move in the directions that seems right. O, this is tough! But what is the option? There is no other option.

Destination Unknown led me to an endocrinologist in California who knew what he was talking about. He looks at a patient’s biochemistry with a fine tooth comb. He treats each patient as valuable. My primary care physician agreed to consult with him if I would pay up-front a few thousand for all of the labs he would order for her to review. I didn’t have that kind of money and work comp laughed at me when I requested it.

Destination Unknown led me to a fabulous group in Utah that I really hope to visit in the future. They have a week-long program for their patients. The administrator of a FB group I am a member of just completed her week with them. I am looking forward to hearing from her about her treatment. They do progressive and intensive treatment without medication or ointments.

Destination Unknown led me to Dr John Hughes @ TBI Therapy. He has been so thoughtful and has helped us plan for where we are today. He began with us 1.5 years ago as we had phone consults and figured out ways for us to do what we could to get the diagnostics he wanted on me. Then a few months ago we called him and told him that we were ready to purchase this mHBOT chamber and begin daily dives. Dr Hughes is currently my TBI doctor. I have completed nearly 45 dives to date and many of them were for 90 minutes. I know that I am in the 60’s as far as total hours spent in here. I can’t say enough about how glad I am to have this chamber. It has become the most important task I have each day. I do take a day off now and then but for the most part I am very pleased with the improvements that D and I notice.

Destination Unknown is a giant step we have chosen to take with Dr Hughes. We will be driving to one of his clinics in the near future for advanced treatment. It is a pricey (but who can put a price on a person’s health and well-being) three-day intensive treatment that includes hard chamber HBOT, intranasal and iv protein rich plasma and platelet derived stem cells, iv nutrition, cranial fascial release, a ketogenic diet, multiple dietary supplements (that I have already begun to take daily), brain wave training, light therapy, and intranasal insulin. I then will return home with specific instructions for continued self-treatment. Yes, this is intense but I must do it or I will continue to deteriorate and ultimately die. That’s right folks. A brain injury is bad. It leads to all sorts of problems and premature death.

Destination Unknown is the ghost that I face every night as I lay in bed wondering how everything will work out. It’s a battle. It’s about my life. It’s about our marriage. Its about our extended family. It’s about our future. It’s about the here and now. It’s about my worth (I hear those demon voices telling me that my life is spent). It’s about a suddenly beautiful outlook of the future or a death spiral. I struggle. I hope too. I experience a pounding headache or a throbbing pain and I tell myself that I have to press in. I have to stand upright and fight these battles. I strive to be a better wife and mother and daughter and sister and friend…but I can’t if I remain in this limbo-state of hopelessness and a drawn-out limited functioning or motivating existence. If I were an eagle! If I could lift myself up higher than now and see the future that God has for me! If I could dream of pleasant days and nights! If I could communicate with you and not have trouble speaking clearly. If I could walk to the park and watch our grandchildren play or ride their bikes. If I could sit for hours with my youngest granddaughter and teach her to sew. If I could clean my house and even want to spend the day getting my hair cut and my nails done. …… Destination Unknown!

I requested a 90 minute dive since I knew that I had a lot to say this evening. Thank you for listening to my heart. I really want to experience every day God has set for me and love every minute of it too. This dive has been great! I feel rejuvenated every time I come in here. It is my safe place to just be me. Time has ended. The chamber is deflating. My back is relaxed because of the ice. My personal fan has worked well in keeping my neck and chin cool. My water bottle is nearly empty. I have only needed to yawn a few times. All is good. All will work out.

Hugs,

Suz

Good Wednesday evening, October 10, 2018 @ 21:03:54 MT. I am in the chamber and it is inflating. I have so much on my mind. Let’s see where this goes tonight.

The two zippers are completely closed and the three buckles are secure. I am comfortably seated in my zero gravity chair. I will be elevating my foot soon since it still throbs from the healing it is still attending to. My two suture lines are pretty much complete. D and I have begun putting antibiotic ointment on the them to help with the tenderness in a few areas of the suture lines. I will begin using Vitamin E oil on it in a week also.

My ears took a while to pop and I am not fully at 1.3 ATA. I will begin the oxygen shortly. I am continuing to use the mask. My nose doesn’t get as dry using it. I also realize the deeper breaths that I take when I use the mask. I stood up in the chamber two nights ago. I realized that I can stand upright when the chamber is fully inflated. We are using the large ice pack to cool the air coming into the chamber now. It is not as cool as I would like it but it is a bit comfortable. My air pressure gauge is right where it needs to be. The valve at the top of the chamber is steadily releasing pressure to maintain the 1.3 ATA. All is good.

Let It Be Done Unto Me According To Your Word! is my theme today. My Mom wrote in my baby book that I was named Suzanne Marie after Mary the young mother of Jesus/Yeshua and Mary’s mother Anne. Thank you Mom. I love my name. I am not fond of Sue or Susan as nicknames. I prefer being addressed as Suzanne or Suz. My Dad used to call me Marie, especially when he was upset. I have not allowed anyone to call me Marie. I’m not Marie as much as I am Suzanne or Suz. BUT the words spoken by Mary the mother of Jesus/Yeshua were “Let it be done unto me according to your word.” when she was told that she would conceive by the Holy Spirit/Ruach ha-Kodesh, the only son of God/Adonai and that he would be called Ben-Elohim/the Son of God. I have loved Yeshua/Jesus all of my life. I was born for this. I was born to love my God all the days of my life!

Let It Be Done Unto Me According To Your Word sure comes with an assignment! I have generally spoken of the terribles I have lived since birth and here I am in this mHBOT chamber as a result of a life lived in pain and loss and so many struggles but I continue to believe that everything, every season, every moment, every event, had holy purpose. Today I got really angry. I got caught up in the current political climate here in the United States of America.

I am a Conservative Christian. I vote Conservative Republican and I choose to live Constitutionally. I believe that our founding fathers relied on God when they wrote our Constitution. I admit that none; not one of us, are perfect or upright or forthright in ourselves but I will continue to support any man or woman in authority who has chosen to lead us in godly principles and practices.  I will always choose to live according to the Holy Bible, The Ten Commandments and every word spoken by Jesus/Yeshua my Messiah. I believe that we are created with God-given talents that we are to use and not squander. I will not compromise or jeopardize my life or the lives of others for my personal gain or fame. I will live each day under the guidance and direction of my God.

God chose me to live here, in this time, in this house, even daily for one hour in this chamber for purposes that are divine. How do I live today without responding to the anger I feel at the injustices and incivility I see and hear about? How do I respond to the words I hear confirming this anger I feel inside? Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger, do not sin.” I will trust Paul’s words and through prayer and fasting and meditating that I can enjoy today and peacefully lay down to sleep tonight. I have asked God all day long what it is that HE wants me to do and be in this critical time in American history. I do not know. I want to know. Please let me know, God. I am listening.

What I do know is that He has given me the opportunity to receive these treatments that will  stop/turn around the downward spiral of brain disability, deterioration and the ultimate end of premature death. HE lead me to daily do my mHBOT treatment and also to soon have the autogenous stem cell and protein rich plasma treatments. O LORD, help D and I emotionally, physically, relationally and financially as we trust You to be with us all along the way. Let It Be Done To Me According To Your Word O LORD!

My dive is over and the chamber is successfully deflating. I thank my precious husband for being the best caregiver ever. Thank you LORD for giving him the patience to walk this road with me. I am blessed.

Hugs,

Suz

Good Sunday evening, October 7, 2018 at 22:00.20 MT. It is gently raining outside. Fall is definitely here. The highs today were in the 40’s. We had our sprinkler system blown out yesterday. The hoses are disconnected from the outside faucets. And we turned on the house heater. We have two stations. One is downstairs and the other is upstairs. Downstairs is set at 64 degrees and the upstairs is set at 68 degrees. I really love our heating system. It is in floor heat so It certainly rises and warms anything in contact with the floor, but the heat does not leave the house as quickly as a boiler system or regular furnace system. I am home most of the time so the temps are not regulated much throughout the cold months. I will raise the temps as the outside is really cold but for now we are pleased with our comfortable environment.

I am inside of my chamber. I did not sleep again last night so I took naps throughout the day. I finally ate food right around 6pm. I am tired and hopefully I will sleep tonight. The chamber is nearly inflated. I am looking forward to the oxygen. I seem to have developed a slight cold. My ears are adjusting to the pressure well. All systems are good. My hour begins now. It took nearly nine minutes to inflate.

I chose What Is Happening? for today’s blog title. There are so many things going on around us in the world, locally, in our family, and in me personally. I prefer when there are no rough waters but I join in and go with the flow! I won’t be left behind!

I just thought on the 1969 song by Simon and Garfunkel “Bridge Over Troubled Water” and now I am singing it inside of my head.                                                                           “When you’re weary, feeling small When tears are in your eyes, I’ll dry them all”                          This is exactly where I am right now emotionally and physically. Spiritually I am doing well. I just need the assurance that because I am in this place of raw emotion and physical exhaustion and pain, that as my tears fall, God will be there to dry them all.                Psalm 56:8 says “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each on in your book.”                                                                                I know that journaling/blogging my feelings is cathartic…but is it enough?                   (Back to Simon and Garfunkel’s Bridge Over Troubled Waters)                                                 “I’m on your side, oh, when time get rough And friends just can’t be found Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down”                                                                                             I thank You Lord for Your faithfulness. You are my father, You are my Lord, You are my strength, You love me unconditionally. You did lay down Your life for me. Thank You Lord.                                                                                                                                                “When you’re down and out When you’re on the street When evening falls so hard I will comfort you”                                                                                                                                               This is my assurance. I know that there are so many others in tight places and I have little to cry about but I am crying. I know that much of my emotion has to do with the lack of sleep I have had in the past few days. I also know that my emotions are raw because I have been re-visiting terrible times in my childhood. I know that I am in physical pain because my foot surgery was less than three weeks ago and the bones are still remembering the trauma they went through. I know all of these truths but they do not cover me like You do Lord.                                                                                                                 “I’ll take your part, oh, when darkness come And pain is all around Like a bridge over troubled waters I will lay me down”                                                                                                  Yes, You did take all of my pain and darkness and You nailed it to the cross. Death and hell did not hold You. I am grateful. I need that bridge right now Lord. I need to be standing on it with You by my side. Can we take a while and just be with one another? Can I fall into Your loving arms and feel Your strength at holding me up? Will I make it through the next month or so as I do all that I can to get better from this brain injury that has stolen much of my vitality, my future? I need You Lord. Guide me and direct me. Hold my hand through the upcoming procedures. Prepare my heart for all of the goodness You have for me in the future.                                                                                              “Sail on silver girl Sail on by Your time has come to shine All your dreams are on their way See how they shine”                                                                                                                               I’m giving myself 100% to the journey. I believe. Please help my unbelief.                               “Oh, if you need a friend I’m sailing right behind Like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind.”                                                                                                                                           What more do I have to look forward to, Lord? Without You. Without the advanced medical treatment and recovery, what else can I do? I trust You. It was You Who directed me to mHBOT and Dr Hughes. And I know that You are right. You have me in the palm of Your hand. It’s just that I can’t do this alone and I need the assurance that You will never leave me or forsake me. This is not a melt down. It’s me saying that on my own, I will fail but with You right along side me, I will triumph. Just being honest. Just being vulnerable. Just being as transparent as I can be. Just being Suz!

What Is Happening? in your life that you are troubled about? What do you need prayer support in? What can I do for you to show you I care? We are each in our own boats on troubled waters. He promises to sail right behind you and me. O Lord help us all. We so need You today.

My dive is nearly done. Thank you for sharing it with me again!

Hugs,

Suz

Good Tuesday Evening, October 2, 2018 @ 18:43:01 MT. How have you been today? We have been eagerly anticipating the rain to fall here but it seems to be splitting to the east and west about a mile south of us. Beautiful skies all day so I am not complaining. Let it rain LORD. Let it rain.

I am enjoying this evening’s dive. I am nearly at the correct ATA to begin my auxiliary oxygen. I’m taking a moment to sip some water before I put my mask on. All is very good. I have the light outside my chamber illuminating the inside better now that the sun is going down earlier. Fall is here. We are expecting our first snow to fall in a few days. It will not stick but it will be welcomed for sure.

TBI Tightrope is today’s topic. Though my primary care physician still refers to my head injury as a concussion I am more focused on the advanced diagnostics that I paid cash for where both radiologists diagnosed TBI and PTSD. I am speaking today about the emotional issues I live with on a daily basis since my fall at work. There is an underlying emotion that I have learned to live with for the past 2.5 years. Its Depression…wait a minute…depression as in a feeling that I am confined inside of a barrel and the lid is being pressed down on me so that I remain in that tight place. It is restrictive. It wants me to accept my new surroundings while I observe those people around me enjoying the vastness of life experiences. I have felt as if my life has been closed off from the freedoms I once enjoyed, especially with those I love so dearly. In the first year following my head injury I had mood swings that were at times overwhelming but as time passed I have learned to accept today and not project into tomorrow what will overtake me. Look at the scripture verse that is written on the inside of my soul….In Matthew 6 Jesus (I often call Him by His Hebrew Name Yeshua) is speaking here. Its location is at the Sermon on the Mount. He has just told those listening how to pray. You know it as The Lord’s Prayer. At the end of the chapter He says this in verse 34: “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” (I used the Message Bible Translation)

TBI Tightrope is truly an emotional component in my recovery. I will speak on the Anxiety I feel. There are so many degrees of Anxiety and I know them all since my head injury. Mild Anxiety is very common in all of us. There is an open-mindedness combined with stress that you feel. I liken it to what we experience here during the winter. The roads are icy so most locals adjust their speeds on the open road accordingly but there is always that one driver that is either in a hurry, drunk/loaded, or just plain stupid and they spin out in front of you, crashing into a snow bank and it doesn’t look good. Vehicles in both directions slow and then stop and the most immediately present drivers check on the wounded driver. Of course, you will be late to work. You call your place of employment and you get a “Not again Joe. This has to stop. I need you here in 10 minutes.” You are concerned for that driver but you are also watching the paycheck docked because it might be an hour before you get to work. Then there is the Moderate Anxiety that you feel as the minutes tick by while you remain in stopped traffic. You are more focused on the income you are losing and not the immediate need for that driver to get medical treatment. That anxiety is mounting and you get a dry mouth to nausea as your cell phone is ringing and its your employer calling. You have to answer your phone but Severe Anxiety has taken over. Bodily symptoms escalate and a sense of dread overtakes you. You choose to not answer your phone and of course it rings again. Its your boss and you know you have to answer it. You try to say “Hello” and your ability to ease the situation by simply saying “Yes Sir, the ambulance has just arrived.” just can’t be spoken. You are in a crisis yourself. Get the picture? I gave you a scenario of the normal progression of Anxiety people go through that is very reasonable to understand. There is also another level of Anxiety that you might be familiar with. It’s the panic-level type. You are shopping at the local grocery store. You check out and walk out the door with a few bags in your arms. The car is nowhere to be found. You left your keys in the ignition and it was stolen. You understand, don’t you? Your inability to think properly is gone. You left your cell phone in the car and only brought your debit card into the store with you. You can’t call the police. You can’t call your spouse. You stand in the middle of the parking lot unable to figure out what to do next until a friend recognizes you standing there hopelessly. The groceries are scattered at your feet and you are crying.

OK…that’s where I have lived for the most part since my head injury. In the TBI Tightrope Panic-Level Anxiety! The simplest of tasks seem too overwhelming to tackle. Your daily routine has been so interrupted that you are clueless about how to make it through another day. The toast burned and the coffee overflowed in the coffeemaker. You thought that you took out the bacon and you did but the dogs are pleasingly fighting over it right now in the living room. The phone is ringing and you just do not want to talk with anyone. Then you look down at your feet and see that you put two right foot shoes from two different pairs on your feet. It’s a miserable way to start out your day. This is my life. The simplist things that I experience are giant manure hills that I have to move from one corner of my life to the other and I only have a teaspoon to do the job! Life becomes so much more complicated and anxiety is through the roof. Yes, over time the once unfamiliar becomes more routine (because of the limitation of cognition, balance, poor eyesight, muscle and joint pain, tmj, nausea, sleeplessness and on and on and on that completely mess me up. Anxiety is relieved by finding a cold ice pack and wrapping it around my head or back or foot. Anxiety is relieved by talking it out with D. Anxiety has been reduced a whole lot by having a little dog on my lap. Our daughter gave me one of her small dogs this past April. Her name is Bozzie. I changed her name to Little One. She has calmed me down so much and awakened a sense of responsibility that I find that I needed to help me through the emotional rollercoaster of Panic-Level Anxiety. She loves to be warm and she loves to touch me. Touch therapy does a world of good! She seems to know when to put her paws on my shoulder and give me a Little One hug! Its a gift from our amazing daughter. Thank you so much Sarah Janelle Hamby. I love you bunches.

I am nearly done with this dive so I am stopping here. I did really well as I always do. It is really peaceful while I dive. I recommend it to each of you. Ask your physician to write you a prescription for one.

I will continue the TBI Tightrope tomorrow. Thank you so much for sitting with me today. It has been an honor to let you into my world little by little.

Hugs,

Suz

Good Monday Evening, October 1, 2018 @ 19:20:33 MT. I have adjusted my time here in my chamber to earlier because I have changed in many ways since beginning these dives just a month and a half ago. I enjoyed taking them and being tired following it so I would go right to bed and sleep. Now, the dives invigorate me. It’s good to know that there are tangible effects of these daily dives. So beginning today I will take them in the late afternoon-early evening. Yahoo!

I have had a pretty full day so relaxing here in the chamber is peaceful to me. Its like visiting an old friend. Familiar, comfortable and very safe. Last night and again today I am using a mask for the oxygen. It is a bit confining but I think that it is more beneficial than the cannulae. I will have to ask Dr Hughes about it when I see him. My ears did not react the inflation. I yawned before I put my mask on and all is good! I am so glad that I also have figured out how to make the internal temperature welcoming for me here in the chamber. We have a bucket that we put 6-10 small lunch ice packs in and then load with the air hoses to cool the air that flows inside the chamber. The personal fan is blowing at my neck on my left shoulder so that feels good too. The large body ice pack is wrapped in a towel and I am sitting against it so I get the cool feeling and it also addresses any kinks in my back at the same time.

BTW, my foot is healing so well. I have an appointment with my surgeon for suture removal on Wednesday. Another Yahoo!

Brain Injury. I am here in my Summit-To-Sea 60″ Vertical mHBOT Chamber for treatment and reversal of many of the symptoms I experience because of the fall I had at work 2.5 years ago. I want to discuss the cognitive aspects of brain injury that I am at the moment considering.

A Brain Injury is concussive and it is also traumatic. I have experienced many cognitive issues that have brought me to this point in my life where I am unable to work, unable to be in crowds, unable to take long walks or hikes, unable to speak clearly or understand what you are saying at times. There are many more cognitive issues that frustrate me and make me cry. They cause me to isolate out of fear. They cause me to be reactive and also unresponsive because I no longer understand what you are trying to say.

I once was able to do so many tasks that are an impossibility or too technical for me to attempt today. Simple information is not fluidly processed. I have almost mastered remembering a series of items or steps related to baking. I have become OCD to even brush my teeth or recently take the supplement regime Dr Hughes has me on. I have to sequence by having every ingredient in a row on the counter in the order they are printed on a recipe and I have to review the order repeatedly before beginning to mix those ingredients. If I do not put the ingredient away exactly where I found it before I go to the next ingredient on the list I get frustrated and feel hopeless. And please do not interrupt me while I am in the middle of doing anything. I forget. I look at you with a dumb curiosity and give up. I throw in the towel. Planning and organizing takes me much longer than before. I prepare baggies of my supplements and D’s supplements for the week. It the bottles were not labeled and not in the order I remember I fall apart and dump everything out that I had already completed to begin all over again. Its exhausting. Thought are not continuous or remembered so if you say something while I am doing something else, I will not answer you at all or ten minutes later look at you and ask you to repeat yourself. By then, the other person has no idea. Know that I am not deliberately inattentive or don’t care. I do. You matter a whole bunch. I just can’t concentrate well enough any more.

My primary physician returned me to work six weeks following my Brain Injury. I was not ready to be there. It’s a grocery store. The noise of each of the cash registers and the lights and all of the merchandise so confused me. I could not stand up without falling over unless I was leaning on a counter. I could no longer see well either so what I saw did not make sense in my mixed up brain. I worked the customer service counter only when I returned to work. O my goodness. Customers did not want me to take 10 minutes to purchase a lotto ticket or get a refund on an item they were returning. If I answered the phone I did not remember what the person said after two spoken words. I fell apart. I lasted less than a few weeks. I worked initially 20 hours per week and then was dropped to 2 hours a day.  I nearly crawled into my primary physicians office where I cried and collapsed in exhaustion. I could not do even a marginal job. It was impossible. And I was so defeated and felt little worth. Try keeping an open mind or a flexible mind when it comes to simple things. I couldn’t and I still have a hard time with the rigidity I live with.

Those are just a few of the cognitive issues that make up my world since the Brain Injury.

Its tough folks. It’s the hardest mountain I have every climbed. Its the farthest ocean I have ever attempted to cross. I also can not do it alone. Not one day alone. I need D. I need our grown children. I need my Mom (I love you so much, Mom). I need my friends. I need this blog. I need the friends I have in all of the groups I belong to since my Brain Injury.

Thank you for taking the time to be with me today.

Hugs,

Suz

Good Saturday evening, September 29, 2018 @ 22:34:50 MT to you. I just began my dive. All systems are go! Yes, I have my bottle of zero water and a snack of dark chocolate no-bake bars and my personal fan (that is in need of new batteries), my large ice pack to my back, my comfortable zero gravity lounge chair and of course my laptop and cell phone with me. My ears needed a little longer time to finally open up but I am sure it is because of the day-long of windy weather. The seasons are definitely changing in NW Colorado. O LORD, send us rain and snow in abundance this year. We need the precipitation so badly.

What is Neuroplasticity? It’s an unfamiliar word in the world outside of TBI or any brain injury, condition, stroke, aneurysm, or dementia patients and their caregivers. Most people assume the old understanding, that the brain never changes except for deterioration with age. Others liken the brain to a computer mainframe which in some ways is true but for the most part the human brain is much more complex, was created marvelously, and does not live within a secured facility . Still others assume that the brain has a huge capacity but we choose to only use a portion of it. WRONG, WRONG, AND WRONG. Our brain is a major player in every function of our human body. Any injury or infection or condition to either our brain or other parts of our body effect and affect the total individual: cellular, biochemical, physical, emotional, relational and spiritual. Everything that I am was immediately altered and afterward continued to be damaged by the TBI I suffered from a simple fall at work 2.5 years ago.

Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections . It allows the neurons (nerve cells) in the brain to compensate for injury and disease, and to adjust its activities in response to new situations or to changes in its environment. Neruoplasticity is also called brain plasticity. It is the process in which your brain’s neural synapses and pathways are altered as an effect of environmental, behavioral, and neural changes. (I rewrote what I read online just now)

I have done my research. I have read books from survivors and parents of survivors. I have read multiple books about TBI and stroke. Each of them have been beneficial in many ways but it was not until I found books about Neuroplasticity that I really got motivated to find my answer. My way out of this mess!

Neuroplasticity: I have interviewed doctors, practitioners, therapists, biologists, nutritionists, homeopathic providers, fellow survivors and counselors to find the hope that I need to get out of the downward spiral of TBI and its life threatening results if I chose to leave it alone and accept the death-hold given me by conventional medicine. I will continue to renew myself in the knowledge of HBOT and oxygen treatment, light therapy, saunas, supplementation, ketogenic diet, hormonal deficiencies, mineral deficiencies, salt water desensitization, cranial massage/alignment, stem cell and prp treatment, sound therapy, biofeedback, talk therapy, brain games and so much more. as I learn of them. I will continue to pursue total health. I am so passionate about this journey that I am on. Come along with me!

I did not choose to get on this road, it found me. So now that I am here I intend to find every way out of the tragedy of brain injury. I will triumph for me and my family and for you too.

This dive is nearly complete. This evening, I have chosen to give another hour and a half to the improvement of my health! This vertical mHBOT chamber is my friend. It is my safe place. It is a vital part of my life. I enjoy every moment I spend in here. I also enjoy being here with you too. I am blessed with the responses I am getting from others that are following my journey. Please respond to my blog posts now and then. It helps me know that you are there.

Hugs,

Suz

P.S.  My journey is marked by my faith. I sing the old hymns in bed at night. They help me fall asleep in my Savior’s arms. Without them I wouldn’t be here sharing my deepest thoughts and words with you. It takes courage to do this. But I am not alone….Join me in singing with Elvis Presley

How Great Thou Art by Carl Gustav Boberg of Sweden (1885).

Good Thursday Evening to you. Its September 27, 2018 @ 21:27:43 MT and I am sitting in my chamber sucking on a wintergreen. I am content and glad to be in my special place right now. I am used to the noise inside of the chamber and it actually is so familiar that I could fall asleep in here too. The oxygen is on and I am doing great. The large ice pack is working well in keeping me cool. I also get the added bonus of the ice relaxing my aching back.

D and I worked on the garage today. We moved into this house 15 months ago and had boxes to go through but avoided it until now. We purchased the house three months ago so we knew that if we did not get to those boxes soon, we would wait months because of the cold weather coming. Our garage is insulated and has drywall but it does not have a heater. Now was the time and we did it…or at least 2/3 of the garage is done. I filled three large black bags with stuff and I condensed boxes to make the garage less cluttered. We stacked at least 10 empty large moving boxes outside as trash. Quite an accomplishment, with D and his back injury, me and my recovering foot and o yeah, I bumped my head pretty hard on the garage door. Garrett came over to help D move the storage shelves and cut down one side of one of the shelves to accommodate the garage door panels and the track of the opener. I have four large boxes of books to go through over the next week. I will sort them and then have D and Garrett bring those books upstairs that need to be in the office. We have three bookshelves in the office so I will have it arranged like a library. My OCD is pretty obvious! We are pretty proud of our accomplishments but we are beat!

What A Trying Day It Was! We listened to the hearing all day as we worked. It is truly a marked day in America’s history. D and I discussed parts of the proceedings as I processed things said by both parties. Of course many of my “terribles” got triggered as I watched and listened. I truly believe that a terrible thing happened to the lady and I know how hard it is to live life afterwards. The shame and fear and pain jump out of us throughout our lives. The event replays itself too many times to count. The smells and sounds and feelings and torment are all kept in a “terribles” box deep inside and the key that opens that box shows up in bizarre ways especially when we feel the most vulnerable. I have been blessed to be married to a man who has believed me and supported me 100% since before we were married. He has helped me multiple times overcome the demon hordes that show up to terrorize me with memories that are not just visualized but also kept inside my body. Body memories of my “terribles” are horrible. I remember years ago cutting my hair to less than a 1/2 inch all over my head. I went from long blonde hair to nothing. I was having a body memory and I was trying to get it off and out of my body by cutting my beautiful locks. I watched that lady today as she tried so hard to keep herself in one piece. It’s not easy and I felt her pain inside of my own “terribles.”

Then I listened to the man and his opening statements compelled me to believe him too. The trauma he and his family have experienced since accepting the nomination has been horrendous. This has been a terrible time for the woman and the man and each of their family members and friends.

Sexual impropriety is awful. There is always a victim and there is always a perpetrator. How could I believe both people and not point my finger at one and feel compassion for the other? I talked a lot with D about it. I truly believe that an event occurred in her life just as she described it. I also believe that the man gave his best account of what he remembers that summer, 36 years ago.

There is a book that was written in the late 80’s called Same House Different Homes. It described how siblings remember different things in an alcoholic home. One child remembers the drunkenness and elusiveness of the parent. Another remembers the family picnics. Another child doesn’t remember his childhood at all. It’s about perspective. Its about maturity. Its about birth order. Read it if you are interested. In my childhood, I was the first-born. I was also the only girl. Six boys were born after me. My parents were in their early 20’s when I came into their lives. My youngest brother was born to parents in their late 30’s. Quite a spread! My “terribles” were not done by my parents but much of my “terribles” were done at my home. That in itself is difficult to understand. My parents were not aware of the extent of my woundings until I had nearly died and what they observed for years following. My brothers formed their own opinions of my life based on their observation and their maturity. Even my closest high school friend (who is still very close to me today) had no clue of what I was going through. My trauma is my story. My trauma is my husband and my story. My trauma lives with us every day of our lives and my trauma will not overtake me. I have the support of a precious godly man who knows when to listen and when to touch my hand or shoulder and assure me that he believes me. I have the support that only D can handle because he has truly laid down his life for me. He took me into his person and we have become one. Without him I would need prescriptive medication to manage even the simplest challenges. Thank you D. I love you so much.

What A Trying Day It Was is a reality that we have learned to grow together in. Today’s hearing brought it all together for me by watching the faces of family members and friends of both the woman and the man. They are our support. Love is what was written on their faces. I know that love and I am so very grateful.

Thank you for sharing today with me.

Hugs,

Suz